The Illusion of Altruism: Why Most of Our Battles Are Self-Centered

by YOUxTalks | Jun 25, 2025 | Lifestyle

The Deeper Meaning Behind Giving

In traditional Indian culture, there’s a deep symbolic gesture tied to giving: when you donate, you bow down to the one receiving. This isn’t a display of superiority but humility—acknowledging that the giver is actually receiving a favor. The favor lies in the opportunity to give, to unburden oneself, and to express inner completeness. But how often do we truly give without expectations, and how often are our daily battles really about others? Kindly get over this notion that we live for others. That is the privilege granted only to a Buddha. Only in a state of inner fulfilment can one really do something for others.

Self-Interest Disguised as Generosity

The truth is, most of our so-called selfless actions are deeply rooted in personal interest. Feeding your own cat, protecting your cow, or investing in your children often comes with expectations—of return, of gratitude, or of personal satisfaction. These actions, while appearing generous, are often exchanges in disguise. We mask our motives in noble language, but behind the façade is usually a transaction.

Emotional Debt in Relationships

Even parents, often seen as the epitome of selflessness, may unintentionally bind their children in emotional debt. “We fed you, we raised you, we sacrificed for you,” they say. But what about the unspoken expectations? What about the returns they silently hope for in the form of success, respect, or acknowledgment?

What True Giving Looks Like

Real giving carries no fine print. There’s no conditionality, no bargaining, no pride. It is giving purely for the joy of giving. And for that to happen, one must be internally full—free from want, from fear, from identity-based compulsions. True giving doesn’t come from lack; it emerges from abundance.

Why Most Daily Battles Are “Wrong”

Most battles we fight in daily life—be it for status, relationships, possessions, or even ideals—are rooted in a desire to gain something. That’s what makes them “wrong battles.” Whether we fight to make ourselves richer or to elevate a family member’s status, the underlying intent remains the same: self-fulfillment. Even altruistic efforts often stem from a subtle need to feel good about ourselves or to maintain an identity.

The Right Battle Begins with Fulfilment

The right battle, in contrast, doesn’t come from need but from inner sufficiency. It begins when a person is so fulfilled that not acting would disturb their peace. It is not driven by ambition, attachment, or guilt—but by a natural overflowing. The one who fights a right battle doesn’t wait for external rewards or recognition. Their action is an offering, not an investment.

Rahim and the Humility of Giving

Historical and spiritual examples often reinforce this. The saint-poet Rahim, for instance, would bow his head while giving alms, ashamed of taking credit for something he felt was not truly his. He believed the ability to give came not from personal virtue but from a divine force working through him. This humility highlights a deep understanding: that genuine giving is not about the donor—it’s about the act itself, and the mysterious source that makes it possible.

The Sacredness of True Action

In a world obsessed with doing and achieving, the reminder is simple yet profound: before claiming to fight for others, examine the origin of your motives. If the self is still seeking through the action, then it is not true giving or a righteous battle—it’s just another strategy to complete oneself.

When Giving Becomes Sacred

True action for others arises only when there is nothing left to gain. When one is internally whole, even restlessness can arise from not giving. That is when the act becomes sacred, and the battle becomes right.